Katie's Post for November 20th
Today I observed the post for "Do you think Led Zeppelin is sexist" The overwhelming response was that they are not. Zeppelin was known for their taking advantage of groupies and wild sex anticts. Some view this as sexism and some feminists take offense. Someone posted an excerpt from a comment that Tori Amos made about Led Zeppelin and sexism.
From Tori Amos, a self-proclaimed feminist herself:
"And as much as Robert (Plant) might like to think he was in league with Valhalla, I'm convinced it was The Goddess who inhabited him. There was a Pacific Island goddess who would expose her internal parts in order to shatter this 'shame of the body' thing, and Robert could contain a woman like that. Yes, there was no question that he could penetrate, but he was also awaking the kundalini. Some of the men whose songs I've done on my new record are known for their misogyny, but to me, Zeppelin were never like that." Mojo Magazine, Oct 2001
"Something really clicked in me when I discovered Led Zeppelin. And you have to understand what that did for me because first of all, oh my God, besides the guitar playing, which was you know, I *wanted* to be Jimmy Page. That's what I really wanted to be. But I wanted to *be with* Robert Plant. Just the way he'd move his body and the sensuality. I mean, I just knew I had found the Goddess, that was it." MTV Revue, Nov 4, 1998
I would have to agree with Tori on this because I don't feel like they were taking advantage of the women that were readily making themselves available to their rock gods. I think that Led Zeppelin appreciated women more than most men do.
Dan's Observation for Nov. 18:
As always, there was a lot of new fan fiction. I read a good deal of it today, since I had the time to for once. Some of it is very good.
The best was this parody that someone wrote. They took a few different parts of the story and just rewrote it. They are hilarious. I have them copied below. If you saw the movies, you should be able to understand whats supposed to be happening, and maybe get a laugh out of it.
There is also a lot of talk about the extended edition, as people start to receive theirs, and as others get ready to storm the stores to buy their own. The big lord of the rings fans were unhappy with the editing of the two towers movie, but apparently the extended edition is much truer to Tolkien.
Here are a few of the parody tales. I'll try to introduce them a bit.
This first one is a conversation between the gods of Arda (the world of which Middle-Earth is a continent). You probably won't get this one unless you have read the Silmarillion. Try to think of it this way. Javanna (really Yavannah) is a goddess of nature, Manwehous (Manwe) is sort of like Zeus, Maxwelcor (Melkor) is the evil god, Sauron's boss to put it in prospective. Brewluvatar (Illuvatar) is the father of all the gods. Aulatte (Aule) is the god of the forge and building and stuff. I hope that helps. If you don't understand the first one, just move on, you should understand the second two.
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Exerpt from The Java of the Ainur:
"All my beans are dear to me," Javanna said, spiking Manwëhous's coffee with extra saccarin when he was not looking. "Is it not enough that Maxwelcor should have fudged so many? Shall nothing that I have devised be free from the dominion of others?"
"If thou hadst thy will what wouldst thou reserve?" asked Manwëhous, massaging the bridge of his nose and reaching for the asprin. "Of all thy realm what beans dost thou hold dearest?"
"All have their worth," said Javanna, stamping her heel, "and each contributes to the worth of the others. But the ChiaTeatrees I hold dear. Long in the growing, swift shall they be in the felling, and unless they pay toll with fruit or condiment little mourned in their passing. Would that the trees might speak on behalf of all things that bear beans, and punish those that grind them!"
Manwëhous struggled with the child-of-Brewluvatar-proof cap on the asprin vessel, saying, "This is a strange thought. What have you been inbibing, Javanna?" Manwëhous sat then silent, and ponded the words of Javanna. Then he said:
"Brewluvatar has spoken, saying 'When the Children awake, then the thought of Javanna will awake also, and it will summon spices from afar, and they will dwell among the trees, and their sharpness shall be feared'.
"But because I am King of Arda, and because Aulattè and you are getting your own namebrand products, I shall have my cake first. Before the Children awake there shall go forth with tough crusty bread the Bagles of the Lords of the West."
Javanna sniffed Manwëhaus's coffee cup to see if it contained coffee of the grain instead of coffee of the bean. "Whatever you say, boss! High shall the ChaiTeatrees grow, and the Bagels of the Lord of the West shall hang from their branches!"
But Manwëhouse said, "Nay, only the trees of Aulattè shall be adequate for the Bagels, tall mountains that breath fire in their depths, so that the Bagels are hot and toasty in the morning! But in the forests shall walk the ThermEnts, Earthen Vessels of warm beverages."
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This next one is the scene where the ents attack isengard.
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The Destruction of Isencoaster
Once the half-caffs were returned to their correct appearances, TeaTreebeard learned of them the works of Sacchineman, and his evil plans to take over all of Middle-girth and force the Free Peoples to watch his performance art. The tall ThermEnt began to foam violently, spilling frothed milk like a science fair experiment gone horribly wrong.
"Sacchrineman! A wizard should know better!" Cupping his hands around his mouth, he emmited a weird hooting whistle, like the blowing of breath over a bottle, only much louder. The half-caffs covered their ears as it was answered a hundred-hundred times from the forest around them. Ponderously, TeaTreebeard began to march, and behind him came many other ThermEnts, all of different colours and capacities, some filled with coffee, hot and sweet, and others sloshing bitter esspresso or creamy latte. All fell in behind the great steaming mug, and together they began to sing:
Tho Isencoaster be hot as a roaster
We go, we go, we go to extremes
To brew the beans and spill the tureen!
To grind the grounds and tear it down!
We will not eat... we will not sleep
But fill the ring with java and cream!
And so the ThermEnts descended upon Isencoaster, and Sacchrineman was overwhelmed as his karma caught up with him. The vast bowl of Isencoaster was filled with a great quantity of coffee, and the ThermEnts waded into the steaming liquid, sighing and sporting about with a beach-ball.
Sacchrineman closed the door against the fury of the storm of coffee and condiments outside his mighty fortress. He shot Grahma Burntongue a look of pure annoyance. "Did you call for a delivery? I am not signing for THIS!"
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This last one is the scene where Gandalf rides to isengard in the first movie, to get advice from saruman.
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Leaping back into time, graceful as a ballerina, we plant our toeshoes in the hour that the Grey Wizard arrives in Isencoaster, seeking council from his wiser and more fashion-conscious superior.... um, wizard-guy. Things strange and unwholesome are perking in the wide circle of stone, and what evil brew bubbles beneath the surface we can only guess by the odor of Kaluah and coffeemate...
Attention! This Episode brewed with minimum levels of caffine, for our readers who are on restricted intake. Enjoy all!
Dance, Whitey, Dance!
Gandgulp hurried up the steep stairs of Isencoaster, holding his grey skirts high to avoid tripping. He knocked on the door with his knobbly cocoawood staff and listened as it echoed though the great stone structure. After a few moments the door cracked open, and the wizard was regarded by a syrupy eye.
"Yeth?" the doorman lisped.
"Saccharineman, if you please."
"Amazing," mumbled the man, squinting at the wizard. "Your name is Saccharineman, too? There is a Saccharineman who lives here. Are you related?"
"No, I wish to see Saccharineman. My name is Gandgulp."
Upon hearing the grey wizard name himself, the doorman shrank down and slithered away. Gandgulp pushed the door open and followed the slime-trail into the center chamber of the tower.
There he found Saccharineman sitting in front of his make-up mirrors with all the lights blazing, applying pancake to cut down the shine. He glanced up as Gandgulp entered. "No interviews," he said brusquely.
"Saccharineman the White, I have come to you for your aid in this hour of need."
"Come for my aide? What would you want to do with him? He can’t even brew a decent cup of tea."
"Not for your ‘assistant’! I have come for your help! Great movements are occurring in the world, and you must raise your head and look beyond your next script! The CoffeeRing has been found."
Saccharineman dropped his powderpuff. "The CoffeeRing of Sour’on? Impossible! It has been washed out all these long years past."
"I assure you it has not! We must pool our strength and work together to rid the world of this vile stain, before it spreads to all the linen in Middle girth, and then not all the salt or Perrier in the world will be sufficient to rinse it out!"
Saccharineman affected disbelief, but his eyes glowed with lust. "It is said that he who possesses the CoffeeRing commands great power. The residue of the might of Sour’on at the height of his strength is concentrated in that smudge. Much could one do, who commands such an item."
Gandgulp gaped at the white wizard. "We cannot contemplate using this thing! It’s deadly power is corrupting to any who possess great might or wisdom! And one touch of this thing will embitter all the coffee in the land and taint even the brightest robes."
Saccharineman stood up, and he shed his dressing gown. Gandgulp gasped and beheld the White Wizard, now no longer white, but sequined in many colours.
"I am no longer Saccharineman the White, but Sweet’ums, the interpretive dancer! Let me demonstrate, and then you will know, Gandgulp the meddling Grey Wizard, who is mightiest. Maestro!"
And a great well of music began and Saccharineman, to Gandgulp’s distress, began to leap and pirouette around the room, his slippers squeaking on the shiny black stone floor. The grey wizard was mesmerized by the unholy sight of a man-like figure of very, very advanced years in a spandex bodysuit.
"And now," said Saccharineman, "You will remain here until you tell me where the CoffeeRing may be found. You can be my audience."
"Don’t you have a nice cold, dark dungeon or some bitter pinnacle of a tower you can confine me to?" asked Gandgulp, too shocked and horrified to look away.
Sacchraineman waved a hand, and a group of horcs, wearing blinders and with wads of marshmallow jammed into their ears, took Gandgulp away and isolated him on the very top of Isencoaster tower, where an icy rain began to fall.
Gandgulp sighed with relief, now unable to hear the sugary music. He wrapped his arms around himself and peered over the edge, observing the plunge of many hundred feet to the stony grounds below.
"Great," grumbled the wizard, "I should have made reservations!"
